Pie in the Sky

The highlight of my week (or maybe my year) was getting to see Jonathan Kent's production of Sweeney Todd at The Adelphi theatre. Oh my goodness! 


Sweeney Todd is right up there as one of my favourite musicals of all time. I have seen numerous versions live and recorded, including John Doyle's 2004 revival at The Ambassadors, where the 10 strong cast also played the score themselves on instruments incorporated in the staging! I was sceptical about Michael Ball playing the demon barber; my impression of him is the loveable cheeky chappy, but he was absolutely mind blowing. I was bowled over by the power and strength with which he sang the role... I now realise I'd never fully heard Sweeney Todd's agonising laments until last week. And he was so butch! I had high expectations of Imelda Staunton, being a huge admirer of her as an actress, yet she still overwhelmed me with how skilfully she made Mrs Lovett her own, delivering Sondheim's human pie witticisms during 'A Little Priest' as if it were the first time I'd heard them. I thought the whole production had real grit to it, bringing out the the disturbingly dark themes like no other version I'd previously seen. I think it's exciting when musical theatre successfully branches out from it's stereotypical 'razzle dazzle' and delivers instead a poignant, dark piece of intelligent theatre with fortitude. Stephen Sondheim is the master! It was with delight (and a touch of envy) that I sat in the gods as the chorus raised its voice for 'The Ballad Of Sweeney Todd'. What I wouldn't give to have the opportunity to sing such powerful music on a West End stage... 


Although, maybe not this week. 


My blog is to be dictated a little by the frustrating week I've had in general!


Finally, with better weather and lighter evenings comes a more regular London Showboat. I sing onboard the Showboat a few times a week as the main entertainment on a three hour evening dinner cruise along The River Thames. I'd been looking forward to a busy week of shows for the Easter break, only to be struck down by laryngitis and rendered completely incapable of singing. This has never happened to me before (I am generally one of those annoying people who is rarely effected by illness) and I have to say, I was really perturbed! I couldn't make a squeak let alone belt out a rendition of 'All That Jazz'. Losing my voice made me realise that I completely, 100%, rely on being able to sing to earn my living, and there is nothing else that comes close to being a secondary career option. I did have to accept that I needed someone to cover the shows - another first for me. It was a weird feeling having someone act as 'understudy' - at first I felt extremely grateful that I didn't have to worry about what would happen with the show, but then came the anxiety of having someone else doing my show and acknowledging that I am replaceable!


Being replaceable is obviously not the greatest of feelings, but the realisation of it does make me feel grateful for the work that I have got and the opportunities that people have given to me in the past, when they might have chosen somebody else. This weeks debilitation has also inspired me to come back fighting. Singing is what I love, it's my life and I most definitely can't imagine myself doing anything else for a living at this moment in time. Sometimes I lose sight of this amongst the constant CV mail-outs, casting submissions and rejections, but as the saying goes, I will not let them grind me down. I've worked so hard and I know that I have what it takes to perform in a show (like Sweeney Todd) on a West End stage... I have to be in the right place at the right time at some point in my career!


It's hard to take the knock-backs time and time again, but focus on the things you are achieving and keep striving to be better - don't let anyone convince you that your dreams are pie-in-the-sky (particularly not Mrs Lovett's!). You may be replaceable in certain areas of your life, but by being the best that you can be, you can make it difficult for anyone to find a the right replacement!

Winds of Change

On the winds of change floats the promise of spring. April: a time for cleaning out the closets, folding away the winter woolies and sweeping away the cobwebs. A time to feel reborn, re-motivated, filled with purpose... or so I am telling myself as I fold away my heavy dark coloured apparel of the last few months, into the storage box, out of which I'd unpacked the fresh, pastel, floral ensembles for the Summer. A quarter of the way through the year already!

2012 is set to be an important year for Great Britain, as we keep being told. Living close to Stratford over the last nine years, it has been exciting watching the Olympic Park spring up from what was merely derelict-looking industrial buildings. So I was thrilled to be part of it's first public event, hosted last Sunday. The test event was organised by the Gold Challenge, a charity challenge where you are encouraged to take on Olympic sports and Paralympic sports to raise money for your charity of choice. Schools and organisations from across Great Britain participated in the charity races along with sporting legends such as Austin Healey, Gareth Thomas, Mike Catt, Dame Mary Peters and I think I even heard Fatima Whitbread's name mentioned too! Combine this with entertainment from Dionne Bromfield, Paul Potts, Spellbound and, interestingly, a talented upcoming group called The Boxettes, who use only their voices to create their songs - no instruments and no effects - and you'll get a picture of what a memorable day it was. Sitting with my husband inside the stadium alongside all the other families, I was emotionally ambushed with an overwhelming sense of pride and love for the children involved, some as young as four, able bodied and disabled, each relishing this opportunity to compete in front of thousands of people inside this huge stadium. Kids whose only other experience of racing was during a school sports day infront of their mums and dads, rising to the challenge. Their excitement and joy was infectious and I found myself being swept up by the fervour of the London 2012 Olympic Games. The commentator announcing that, "Dreams will be made here this Summer".

Watching the endless stream of schools during the parade, I became a little nostalgic... It's now ten years since I was in my final year of school. Savouring the Easter holidays before the onslaught of 'A' Level exams. Although, at that time, the pressure had been eased for me as I had just received my letter of acceptance from The Italia Conti Academy of Theatre Arts, offering me a full scholarship... my dreams were being made!

As I reflect upon my school days, I think I knew even at the time that they were special days, shared with the very best of friends in a setting straight out of a fictional novel. Standing sentinel on the top of a hill overlooking the town of Leek is Westwood High School, a converted 19th century manor house, originally home to a famous Stoke-on-Trent potter family, The Davenports, who are said to have built over an existing house belonging to one of Henry VIII's favourite Knights. The historical prowess of the school and it's grounds radiates from the very foundations. I definitely feel privileged to have been a part of its alumni and being educated by such a passionate and inspiring teaching faculty. The most valuable lesson I learned there, however, was to be myself, and although sometimes other people can make this difficult, I think fundamentally my actions are based on being true to myself and true to my morals. 

I am by no means morose as I look back at this period in my life. To the contrary, it's with comfort that I remember the optimism and excitement which I felt as an 18 year old about the next stage of life's journey. I have not achieved all that I hoped I would in the last decade, but I know that the achievements I have made are no small feat. To be true to myself, I will continue to achieve for as long as I have the dreams to fulfil. Looking at those inspiring kids on Sunday, bursting with life, ambition and the joys of spring reminds me that we all have our own dreams, be they great or small, all just as important in their own way. For a man without dreams is like a bird without wings. So, with this change of the wind, breathe in the scent of possibility and turn your dreams into reality. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them (Walt Disney).

Star Quality

Reality TV talent shows are dominating our Saturday evening screens once again. Fortunately, Saturday night is gig night so I am rarely subjected to this manufactured 'talent' search. However, I must admit to being swept up a little by the promos for The Voice, so I decided to catch it on iPlayer. The show's concept is interesting from a singer's point of view, with the main emphasis being on the voice. I also think the panel has been well selected, each qualified, within their own right, to pass musical judgement on others.


My overall opinion on the show is divided. I had hoped that there would be less of the 'sob story' element to the contestants in comparison to similar shows. While I can relate to the singers' desperation to succeed I find it frustrating to watch endless cliches linked with clumsy dumbed-down narrative intended to heighten the drama. Unexpectedly, the most heart warming contestant for me was Samuel Buttery, singing 'Set Fire To The Rain'. He had such a positive attitude and a warmth which radiated through his own rendition of Adele's hit. I can sympathise with his motivation behind entering The Voice, wanting to be judged fairly on his talent without being seen. But at the same time he wasn't apologising for being a big guy, the confidence exuded from him. Despite such big personalities on the panel of judges I thought they struck a good balance between promoting themselves as mentors whilst being entertaining, but not making the show all about them (as often occurs on other such talent shows). The comments were relevant and backed up by informed technical knowledge, unlike the offensive and snide remarks often made on some shows.



Everyone has the right to shine, so I am not against talent shows - they have formed the basis of television entertainment for the past 50 years, with shows such as Opportunity Knocks and New Faces discovering the likes of Les Dawson, Lenny Henry, Jim Davidson and Victoria Wood. It's the relentless exposure to mediocrity, manipulated to seem something more and the flippancy with which the term 'star' is bandied about, losing any real sense of what it does take to be a star performer.


Andrew Lloyd Webber's star searches have more integrity, cutting down on the footage of early auditions to leave the people worthy of air time for general public viewing. Having watched all four of the previous programmes I think it has been a great platform for some wonderful performers who wouldn't necessarily have had the opportunity to share their talent in front of such influential people. Also, the BBC star search has helped elevate the profile of musical theatre, making it more accessible to a whole new television audience at a time when public spending cuts could have impacted upon theatre and ticket sales. However, there is now an increased expectation to see 'the star' of a show and greater disappointment often felt when that star is replaced by an understudy (which is quite common practice, particularly if the performer has not had the extensive training or experience of enduring eight shows a week). Though usually the understudy is just as good, maybe even better because they have more to prove! It is also this culture of having a celebrity name in a show which contributes to the high price of theatre tickets; a celebrity name expects to be paid a celebrity wage! We are a society driven by celebrity culture and I do speak from experience when I say that standards are often lower if you have a name which can guarantee to bring in the crowds.


I am eagerly anticipating the forthcoming ITV search for Jesus Christ Superstar. It was one of my favourite musicals growing up and I feel certain that, based on his track record, Andrew Lloyd Webber will direct the auditions with candor, hopefully introducing us to some exciting rock tenors.


Watching The Voice did, for a split second, make me consider applying for the show next time. But unfortunately, I still believe that fundamentally the producers are making a TV show in which the majority of contestants are mere pawns. To be a great singer you have to be prepared to bare your soul through your music - this should be enough without having to share the intimacies of your life with millions of strangers for the sake of entertainment. What I think would be really refreshing is if we could bring back a show like Sunday Night at The London Palladium. A show where we just get to see the performance without all the back story, featuring artists who are already masters of their craft delivering top quality performances and re-defining what it is to have star quality!

Credit Where Credit's Due

My husband works in the communications department for an accountancy firm. He is working late tonight with the rest of his team, helping to provide a corporate response to the Budget announcement that was made this afternoon. It's as twilight descends in my office/ bedroom, and I think of the long evening ahead of him, that I start reflecting on my recent CV mail outs.


Over the last few weeks I have been targeting theatre venues which I deem obtainable in terms of me auditioning and appearing in their productions. To put it bluntly, I am asking for the opportunity to apply for a job which I probably won't be paid for! I know I am not alone in this constant 'beavering away' to attain the much coveted 'job'. We are a massively over-saturated industry and competition is fierce. What baffles me is that the Government feels justified in making cuts to the arts, forcing projects to continue unfunded and therefore relying on artistes who are desperate for employment to work for free. With this in mind, I think it quite fair to say that we as a workforce are exploited. Arts and entertainment are an integral part of our existence, so, as they say, "the show must go on". However, I can't imagine any other industry that would accept the exploitation of its workers in such a way. Look what happened when Tesco supported the Government's workfare scheme, where shelf stackers worked for free.


Credit where credit's due, despite the lack of funding, artistes still produce top quality work. Take for instance, those at The Southwark Playhouse. I went last night to see its production of Adam Guettel's musical Floyd Collins starring Glenn Carter. Set within the Kentucky caves, it was so aptly performed within The Vault, emotionally charged, and earnestly played, that I really felt myself suffocating along with the hero, Floyd. It was a special piece of theatre. Speaking to one of the actors afterwards, he said he was exhausted, doing the show in the evening but having to work an office job in the day because the profit-share doesn't cover his rent... and this is professional theatre! Needless to say, he gave a fantastic performance.


So, I know this is a topic way out of my hands, but I wanted to dedicate a blog to the hard work and persistence of fellow artistes. What can be seen as a glamorous career choice is, for the majority, in reality, a daily battle. The determination stems from a real passion for what we do in which money has a minimalistic influence. It's not a plea for sympathy but more a homage to all the talented people out there who don't get the recognition they deserve.

Nothing is for Nothing

This week I am heading out to my favourite London Theatre, The Menier Chocolate Factory. What makes me love this fringe theatre so much is the energy which pulses through its very foundations, threatening that anything is possible.The dusky smell of the place when I walk through the doors fills me with excitement and anticipation. Every production is distinctly unique, transforming the box-like space sublimely to accommodate whichever theatrical genre they have decided to host. From the elegant simplicity of the first production I saw there, Jason Robert Brown's The Last Five Years to the most recent, high-tech computer games/ matrix infused revival of Stephen Schwartz's Pippin. There never seems to be any boundaries.


So, tonight I anticipate walking in to a carefully constructed and suitably gaudy 1970's lounge/ diner for their revival of Mike Leigh's highly acclaimed Abigail's Party starring Jill Halfpenny. It's a play that holds fond memories for me, sitting with my family, giggling and crying in equal measures at the comical larger-than-life yet deeply tragic characters portrayed.


A few years ago, I signed up for the Menier's first musical theatre course, aimed at professionals looking for guidance from those at the top of their game. For me, the opportunity to experience the theatre from the inside was a chance not to be missed, whilst also entertaining the idea that this could lead to a lucky break...


The course was as inspiring as I'd hoped but I did come away feeling a little disappointed at the lack of opportunity for me to be an individual performer, rather than a group of people on a course, and the ultimate realisation that I was unlikely to get any career advancement out of it. Over the years I have experienced numerous instances like this, doing everything in my power to put myself into situations where I can get noticed and yet failing to be noticed. It's so easy to become disheartened and begin wondering, "what is the point?".


However, deep down I know that there most definitely is a point. Nothing is for nothing! By putting yourself out there and at least trying, you are proclaiming your own self worth and self belief, automatically putting yourself in the right mind set to achieve.


Needless to say, completely indirectly, following on from the course I auditioned to be part of The Brick Lane Music Hall Rep company where I have been given fantastic opportunities to do what I love to do, perform.

The Beginning Of The Future

My first post!


I feel compelled to explain why I have decided to begin this blog and under this specific title!


2012 (my first year as a married lady) has somehow managed to channel a focused beam of light straight ahead of me, illuminating what it is I want to achieve at this moment in my life. Maybe this clarity has emerged through the recent promises made to a husband I want to share the rest of my life with, maybe it is the increasing momentum with which my 30th birthday looms, or maybe it is the reflections on the brute determination with which I have strived over the last decade, bringing me to this point, right now. Whatever the reason, I am here on this virtual stage looking to share my thoughts with you.


So, this is me... my passion is for singing and performing, my hopes are to be noticed and acknowledged and my thoughts today go out to everyone pursuing a dream. With a focus on being proactive, this week I have begun a video diary on my YouTube channel, giving myself the fulfilment of performing and hopefully reaching out to a wider audience.


My video diary 


If you can't believe in yourself you'll find it difficult convincing others to believe in you. It's easy to be your own worst critic, why not try being your own best friend.